


After the nightmare, jealousy

by NoMoreBeer4U



Series: After the nightmare series [16]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s09e03 Origin, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: Daniel missed Daedalus but Jack is now living in Washington. Will their relationship survive the interference of Vala?
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: After the nightmare series [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	After the nightmare, jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own them, I just play with them, yadda yadda yadda.
> 
> References from s09301 Avalon to s09e06 Beachhead

Daniel was at his office typing his report when he noticed the sudden presence. A “hey” escaped his lips before his brain could process the unexpected image standing in front of him.

 _Jack_. His lover. The man he hadn’t expected to see in months. All of a sudden, standing there, dressed in his Class-A’s, more edible than ever. His cock twitched at the sight. He stared at him, not believing his eyes.

“Wow, what the hell are you doing here?” he blurted out open-mouthed stunned.

“Nice to see you, too,” the General replied, looking slightly offended.

Daniel's brain cells suddenly completed the process to understand that the image was real. He stood up quickly and approached his lover.

“No, no sorry! The archaeologist hurried to apologize, “I just wasn’t expecting to see you.”

The last time he talked to Jack had been two days ago, on the phone. He called him to tell him that he had missed the Daedalus due to the unexpected appearance of Vala, but they hadn’t talked about the ordeal with the Ori yet. And for sure he hadn’t expected that he came from Washington just one week after he had left.

“Yeah, well, I was in the neighborhood…” Daniel nodded in acknowledgment, “…and I’ve got a little surprise for Mitchell,” Jack smiled awkwardly. * _And I was missing you terribly already, so what a better excuse?_ * he thought.

“Oh, yeah, he really loved the last one, the fact you didn’t tell him we were all moving on to different positions,” Daniel said looking away.

“Yeah. Sorry you missed Daedalus,” they looked at each other for a brief second.

“No, you’re not,” Daniel blurted out.

“You’re right, I’m not,” Jack confessed.

Daniel kept his hands in his pockets and shrugged. There was nothing he wished more at that moment than to launch himself into his lover's arms and grope him for the rest of his life. He could see the tension written all over the General’s body as well.

“Listen, I just had a briefing with Landry, about… your…stuff, and…” Jack looked at Daniel intensely.

“Yeah…” the archaeologist looked down.

“Sounds like it could be a problem,” Jack said softly.

“Well, we’ve been up against some pretty bad guys before,” Daniel said.

“Yeah, not so pretty,” Jack made a face. “Ovredresses, yes.”

“In some tough situations,” Daniel continued.

“That we always won,” Jack pointed out.

“Yeah, but didn’t you feel that was because we had someone looking out for us?” Daniel smiled slightly before his face became serious again. Jack was looking at him intently now. ” I don’t think I would say this to anyone else,” Daniel continued, “ but for the first time, I’m scared.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. Daniel scared? Daniel never was scared. Daniel and scared on the same sentence just repelled each other like oil and water. If Daniel was scared enough to say it out loud, then he better started to get scared also, because that only meant that they were facing the most terrible enemy ever. So, since at that moment Jack was unable to do what he wished the most, to hug his lover tightly and tell him that everything would turn out ok, he did the only thing he could do. And Daniel would understand.

“I’m hungry,” he said.

“Me too,” Daniel smiled and nodded.

“Well?” The General signaled at the door with his head, and he began to walk followed by the archaeologist. Jack stopped before leaving the room and turned around. “So, what’s with the beard?” he asked pointing at Daniel’s face with a finger.

“Well,” Daniel said, ”I had no one to impress anymore, so…” he shrugged.

Jack saw a couple of airmen walking along the hallway and instead of leaving the office, he closed the door discreetly. The two lovers stared at each other with bright eyes.

“I missed you the first day already,” Jack talked first. “I’m sorry you couldn’t go to fulfill your dream, but on the other hand…”

“I know, I know,” Daniel nodded. “Me too. But you’re still in Washington, and I’m still here. And we’re ready to engage in a war like none before. What are we going to do, Jack?”

“I don’t know,” the General answered softly. But we’ll figure it out. I love you, and that will never change. We’ll figure it out,” he repeated.

Daniel smiled softly and nodded. God, he was so eager to hold the older man into his arms and never let go. How could their plans have changed so fast? One year tops, they had said, and then they would be together. And now, that new scenario changed everything. Jack would be thousands of miles away most of the time, and he would have to face the threat of the Ori without him at his side. What if that new war lasted for years?

“C’mon, let’s get some lunch. I think better with a full stomach,” Jack said. And they left the office and headed towards the commissary.

***

They sat on a table at the back of the commissary, far from curious glances. They had barely tasted the meatloaf when something between a twister and an earthquake stormed in and crashed on the chair next to Daniel.

“Daniel, darling, you're here,” Vala said, leaning heavily against the archaeologist and making him spit his last mouthful. “I’ve been looking for you for hours.”

Daniel coughed and tried to regain his balance. Vala hooked his arm with her own and looked at him with a pout.

“Did you try my office?” Daniel spat ironically.

“Oh, you mean that place full of broken pottery where you hide most of the time? Too many books, too thick and too many letters, ewwwww. Do you ever go out and get fun?”

“Books are fun to me, but of course I don’t expect someone like you, who would sell her mother for a gold trinket, understand their value,” Daniel said unhooking their arms and pushing her away with his elbow.

Vala leaned again against him and entwined her fingers onto his shoulder, bringing her mouth near his ear. “That wasn’t a nice thing to say to the future mother of your children. And I understand their value. They make great fuel for a bonfire,” she said deepening the pout.

“We better keep the fire out of the conversation, shall we?” Daniel said, a shiver running down his spine. Seeing Vala burnt to death and being himself nearly roasted like a chicken wasn’t something he wanted to remember any time soon.

Jack watched at the scene stunned. He cleared his throat noisily. “Hmm, Daniel… aren’t you going to introduce me the… hmm… future mother of your children?”

Vala looked at Jack as if she had noticed him for the first time. She grinned widely and reached out a hand, took Jack’s in hers, and shook it vigorously.

“Vala. Mal Doran. Mmm, looks like the genetic pool on this planet has some variations after all.”

“What?” Jack looked confused.

“I admit the grey hair gives you a distinguished appearance, but surely you can’t compete with the magnificent attributes of my Daniel,” she said seductively.

“What?!”

“Hmm, Vala, this is General O’Neill. He is a big shot around here, so try to behave yourself, will you?” Daniel told her with a scowl.

“O’Neill? No, never heard of him,” she replied smugly.

“Daniel?” Jack raised his eyebrows and looked at his lover with a thousand questions face.

“Jack?”

Jack pointed at the space pirate with his head.

“Yes, Jack, this is Vala, the one and only. I think you two never met before,” Daniel sighed.

The general studied the woman for a moment. So she was the pirate that kidnapped Daniel on the Prometheus last year. And the woman Daniel had been transported to another galaxy with. Daniel never mentioned her attractiveness. And for sure he never mentioned their closeness. What was with that woman that she couldn’t keep her hands away from his archaeologist? A first stab of jealousy pierced Jack’s gut.

“Listen, Miss… Mal Doran, it’s nice to meet you but here Daniel and I were trying to have a private conversation, so if you don’t mind…” Jack tried to dismiss her.

“Oh, go on. Don’t worry about me,” she grinned. “There are no secrets between Daniel and I, right, darling?” she leaned against the archaeologist again as she batted her eyelashes.

“Vala, don’t you have anywhere else to be?” Daniel again pushed her away. “Like PACKING?” He stressed the last word.

“Well, as I have to leave tomorrow, I thought I could get the best out of you before I go.” She ran her finger from his earlobe, along his neck, and to his collarbone.

Jack felt his blood beginning to boil. * _Hands off, lady, the boy is mine!_ *

“Vala…” Daniel warned.

“Oh, c’mon Daniel, just a bit of fun before I go? You weren’t so prudish the other night when we shared Harrid and Sallis’ bed.”

“Vala. Please. Go away. I mean it,” Daniel took her wrist and glared at her.

“Ok, you win. I know when I’m not wanted.” She stood up trying to look offended. “It’s your loss.” And she stalked out of the commissary.

Daniel watched her leaving the room and returned the attention to his lover, only to find a couple of sparking brown eyes glaring at him.

“What was all that about?” Jack asked harshly.

“That was Vala in her purest and most natural state,” Daniel grimaced.

“Do you mean she is always like that?”

“Pretty much,” Daniel blurted. He noticed the deep frown on the General’s face. “What?” he asked in confusion.

Jack stared at his lover with incredulity. That woman had been practically ravishing him and he didn’t seem to mind. Not much, anyway. She clearly had the hots for Daniel. He couldn’t be so oblivious. Unless he… no, that couldn’t be. Daniel loved him. He trusted him. He would never… would he? Jack’s heart told him that nothing had happened between Daniel and that woman, but his mind… A new stab of jealousy went down from his heart straight to his belly. He pushed his tray away.

“I’m not hungry anymore,” he stated while standing up.

“Jack, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Daniel asked with a frown.

“We’ll talk later, ok?” Jack began to walk towards the exit.

Daniel looked at him open-mouthed stunned for some seconds until he reacted and ran after him. The General was walking steadily along the hallway.

“Jack, wait!” The archaeologist grabbed his lover by the arm and tried to stop him. “Hey, what’s wrong? What’s the matter with you?”

Jack stopped and turned around. “With me? That’s rich!” he scowled at Daniel.

“Ok, now I’m at a loss. Can we talk about it, whatever it is?”

“There is nothing to talk about. I think it’s pretty clear,” Jack stated angrily.

“What?!”

Daniel noticed that several members of the personnel that were passing by were staring at them.

“Jack, people are watching us, just… come with me.”

He half dragged- half pushed Jack to the elevator, and they headed towards Daniel’s quarters in silence. Since they kept coming across more staff members, Jack managed to keep his composure, although inside, he felt his blood boiling in his veins. Once they arrived at Daniel’s room, the archaeologist closed the door behind them and faced the General.

“Ok, what’s so clear, according to you? Spill,” he ordered.

“Well, I think the future mother of your children left everything pretty clear.”

“Vala? Wait a second.” Daniel looked at Jack with a mixture of disbelief and amusement. “This is about Vala? Jack, are you jealous of her? Vala, of all people?” he laughed.

“You didn’t seem to mind when he mapped your whole body,” Jack stated coldly.

“Mapped my…? What?”

“Explain to me how someone like you, who hates being touched by strangers, all of a sudden doesn’t mind being groped by that… that… bitch!” Jack clenched his teeth, his eyes sparkling with anger.

“First of all, she didn’t grope me, and secondly, didn’t you see I was trying to push her away?” Daniel saw Jack’s anger and his stomach began to tingle.

“I didn’t see you put much effort on that,” the General spat harshly.

“What did you expect me to do? Punch her, or maybe shoot her?” Daniel’s eyebrows met his hairline and he blinked several times.

“Well, she shot you the first time you two met, so, why not? What haven’t you told me of that first time?” the older man inquired angrily.

“Jack, what’s gotten into you?” Daniel thought he was hallucinating. What was happening to Jack all of a sudden? He had never seen him so altered by a nonsense.

“It didn’t look like such intimacy was something new for her. What did you do in the Prometheus after kissing her?”

“What?! I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me and then knocked me out, you know it!” Daniel felt his own anger take over him. The discomfort in his stomach increased.

“Oh, yeah? And what about the comment about your * _magnificent attributes_ *?” Jack waved his hand pointing at the archaeologist crotch.

“What?!” Daniel was stupefied.

“And my favorite one, and I quote: *You _weren’t so prudish the other night when we shared Harrid and Sallis’ bed_ *.” The General drew quotation marks with his fingers mockingly. “What was that about?”

“Who knows! She has a very vivid imagination. She is a schemer and lies all the time!” Daniel exclaimed with exasperation.

“Why would she say anything if it wasn’t something going on? I’m not blind nor stupid, it’s obvious she has a sexual interest in you!” Jack shouted while his eyes sent daggers to his lover.

“So what? It doesn’t mean I have any interest in her! It’s what she does, all those… insinuations. She uses sex as a defense mechanism!” Daniel shouted back.

“Has she used it with YOU!?” Jack glowered at his lover.

“What?! What are you asking? You think I’m fucking Vala?! God, you really believed her! So suddenly a complete stranger makes some inappropriate comments about me and you believe them!?” Daniel was utterly shocked by his lover’s implication.

Are you!?” the sharp words left Jack’s mouth before he had time to stop them. He was like a horse out of control. Jack could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest, pumping boiling blood to every corner of his veins. He couldn’t think clearly. Images of Daniel making out with Vala on bed filled his mind. He felt confused and dizzy. He knew Daniel loved him, and he trusted him, but for some reason, his imagination abducted his common sense and kept sending him images of his lover screwing the pirate. His heart ached intensely.

Daniel stared at Jack in disbelief. Did he really think that about him? That he was so easy? A woman batting her eyelashes and he was doomed? The uneasiness in his belly turned into a tight knot and he felt sick.

“I can’t believe we are having this conversation.” The archaeologist shook his head in denial and shock.

“I see.”

Daniel glared at Jack for a long moment, and when he talked, he started with a low and strained voice.

“No, Jack, you don’t see a shit. Just a couple of days ago, I saw that woman burnt to death in front of my very eyes and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it. Have you ever seen someone dying like that, Jack? Have you ever heard such screams of terror and pain?” Daniel's tone increased. “Have you? I can’t imagine a worse way to die, so forgive me if I allow her a bit of comfort!” he ended up yelling out.

Jack wanted to believe him. But his mind kept betraying him. Vala was a very attractive woman and her attempts of seduction towards Daniel were clear. Had he really been able to stay unresponsive to her touches?

“And where are you willing to go in this supposed comfort of yours?” he asked with a chilly voice.

“You’re unbelievable.” Daniel shook his head again. “Is that what you think of me? That just because a woman bats her eyelashes at me I jump to her bones. Damn you, Jack! I’m not the one who fucked Kerry Johnson!” Daniel’s face reddened in anger.

All color drained from Jack’s.”You said you understood.”

“Oh, I did. And I did it because I believed in your love.” Daniel’s mind failed to process the turmoil of emotions that were invading him at the moment, and his face crumpled in pain. “ I listened to you and I believed your reasons. I trusted you. But do you think that with the understanding the pain disappears? When you told me about Kerry I… I felt my heart split in two. Do you have any idea how much it hurt? How can you think for a second that I’d do this to you?” his voice trailed off to a whisper.

“I don’t know. Did you? Maybe it was your payback.”

Game, set, and match. Daniel felt a knife burying in the very center of his heart. Not even when replicatorSam stabbed him, it had hurt so much.

“Fuck you, Jack.“ He brushed past him and left the room in a rush.

“Daniel! Da…! The General saw helpless how his lover slammed the door behind him. “Fuck!”

Jack sat on the bed and buried his face into his hands. What was the matter with him? He was so confused. He knew Daniel loved him, he had proved it uncountable times. He didn’t have any reason to doubt his fidelity. His little affair with Ke'ra had been before they consumed their relationship, and nothing happened in Tegalus with that woman, Leda. But that… Vala! Seeing her hands on his lover had awakened a monster that Jack had thought deeply buried. He hadn’t seen Daniel being touched like that since Sha're, and he had panicked. He had sensed a threat and had reacted like a deer in heat. If he had to be honest, Daniel was right. He didn’t respond to her touches. He had overreacted clearly as a result of his own fears.

“You and your big mouth, O'Neill,” he muttered to himself. “This time I went too far. Daniel isn’t going to forgive me so easily for this, if ever. Goddamnit!”

He wasn’t sure what to do next. Maybe he should let things cool before talking to Daniel. On the other hand, he had an appointment with Mitchell in a while, and he'd fly to Washington right after that. If he wanted to talk to his lover, it had to be now. He took a deep breath to pull himself together and left the room.

***

Daniel had gone straightaway to his office. How dared Jack accuse him like that? There had been other times he had implied infidelity, but his words had never been so raw and cruel. This time the General had gone too far. The archaeologist was furious and in deep pain. He couldn’t breathe. For a moment he thought he was going to have a panic attack, but he managed to draw some air into his lungs. What was left of his heart was constricted, and a heavy, dark ball had settled in the pit his stomach. He rubbed his belly to ease his discomfort. It felt tense to the touch.

“Damn you, Jack,” he hissed angrily.

He tried not to think about the older man. A military base wasn’t the best place to have an emotional breakdown, much less if the reason was a fight with his very male lover. He turned on the computer and forced himself to focus on his report again. It helped to calm him down a bit. He had almost finished when Vala came in like a whirlwind.

“Where is your friend?” She asked as she leaned against Daniel’s computer.

Great. The last thing he needed right now was the space pirate adding more fuel to the fire. “Vala, I'm not in the mood,” he snapped harshly.

She ignored him and continued with her blather. “He is quite attractive, you know? For an old man.”

“He isn’t old and YOU will stay away from him. I mean it.” Daniel kept his eyes glued to the monitor.

“Mmmm, are you jealous? Don’t worry, darling, you know you’re the one an only for me.” She tried to touch his face, but he pushed her hand away in time.

“Why don’t you go to pester Mitchell for a while and let me work?” he said, still avoiding her gaze. He couldn’t deal with her right now. He only wanted her out of his office, the base, the planet, hell, just out of his life.

“He is not fun,” she pouted. “ I think it’s all that commanding officer thing. You, on the other hand…”

“Vala, stop. I want you to go. Now.” Daniel tried not to yell, but he was running out of patience.

“C'mon, we have to enjoy the little time we have left.”

“We don’t have to do anything. Just leave me alone.”

“We may never meet again after tomorrow. Are you going to miss the chance to enjoy the most ardent experience of your life?” she bit her lower lip in a gesture of seduction.

Daniel looked at her for a moment. His icy eyes showed all she needed to know.

“Ok, your loss again,” she sighed theatrically. “ So, what are you doing? Can I help?”

“Huh! Believe me, you’ve helped enough!” Daniel felt the last straw breaking the camel's back. “Now go away and leave me the fuck alone!”

Vala flinched for a moment but she quickly regained control. “You know, I liked Harrid better.” And with a false offense movement, she turned around and left the room.

She had just crossed the door when she saw Jack coming. She smiled at him, licked her lips seductively, and buttoned the upper button on her shirt as if she was finishing to dress up. As she passed next to him, she carded her mane with both hands.

“He is an animal,” she said in a husky voice. And she walked away along the hallway.

Jack stopped on his tracks for a moment. He clenched his teeth and fists so hard that his jaw hurt and his nails almost pierced his palms. He wanted to believe Daniel, but she looked like she just… No, no, this couldn’t be. Daniel had said she was a schemer. It has to be it. Because Daniel loved him. At least he loved him half an hour ago. He wouldn’t cheat on him. He took a deep breath and managed to move his legs again. He approached the archaeologist’s office hesitantly and knocked once at the open door to warn of his presence, and closed it behind him. Daniel lifted his head and the moment he saw him his heart skipped a beat and his stomach dropped to the floor. He couldn’t face him. Not so soon. The wound was too recent. Jack’s heart sank at the sight of the deep misery in his lover’s eyes.

“Daniel, I…” Jack started.

“Go away, Jack,” Daniel cut him angrily. “I’ll not stay here listening to your accusations.” He returned the attention to his computer and he pressed the print key.

“I’m sorry, but what was I supposed to think? Jack shrugged sheepishly.

“What were you…? It sounded so lame that Daniel couldn’t even finish the question. He looked at the General and shook his head in shock and disbelief.

“I… I want to believe you, but I’m… I’m confused, you know? She just left your office and she was buttoning her shirt. What do you think it looked like?”

“She what?!” Daniel shouted.

“You heard me.”

“I’m gonna kill her,” Daniel muttered through clenched teeth. “ _And I’m gonna kill Jack for still beliving her_ ,” he thought.

“Can we… can we at least talk about it?” the older man asked softly.

“I don’t think so, you left pretty clear what you think about me,” Daniel stated firmly.

“Daniel, c’mon, you know me, sometimes I just… react.” Jack didn’t really know what to say. He couldn’t even understand what was happening to him. He had never felt so completely and utterly confused.

“Is not a very good quality for a soldier, don’t you think?” the archaeologist spat bitterly. “ How about assessing the situation first?”

“Touché.” Jack looked down.

Daniel took a deep breath and tried to keep his emotions at bay. “Years ago, when I committed to you, I meant every word.” The tone was flat, almost emotionless. Jack lifted his head. Daniel was looking at him intently. He felt hypnotized by the pain and sorrow that he read in his gaze. Daniel’s expressive eyes had always been a direct window to his soul. He couldn’t fool him. Despite the tone, he was hurting deeply. The archaeologist went on talking.

“I’ve loved you non-stop for more than nine years,” he said. I’ve told you countless times. I promised I’d never leave you. You said you trust me. And now it’s like you never believed me.”

“I do. Believe you. Trust you,” Jack said in a low voice.

“You know? Now I don’t believe YOU.”

Jack’s gut twisted.

“Look, I don’t know if it’s about your insecurities or your fears again, and right now I’m too furious to care. The question is that if you can’t trust in my love, if you believe that I can jump into someone else’s arms just because she made a pass at me, then this new long-distance relationship doesn’t have any sense. Just… go. Go back to Washington. I need some distance right now.”

An invisible hammer smashed Jack’s heart. “Daniel, what are you saying? The general’s hands began to shake.

“I don’t know, I don’t know what amb saying, and neither do you. Just go, please, I’m too pissed at you at this moment. I don’t want to say something I may regret later.” Daniel’s soul shattered to his own words, but he couldn’t deal with it right now, much less at the mountain.

“Daniel…”

“Please, if you ever loved me, just go,” the younger man pleaded.

“If I ever loved you? What does it mean? I DO love you, I never stopped.” God, did Daniel really believe that he didn’t love him anymore?

“Then why do you think I did?” Daniel’s voice cracked at the last word but he managed to keep his eyes dry.

There was such amount of pain and angst in Daniel’s tone that Jack could do nothing more than stare at him speechless. Again he was responsible for his lover’s unhappiness. It was getting old. He had sworn that he’d rather die than hurt him again. And there he was, stabbing a new dagger through his heart.

Daniel inhaled deeply and pulled himself together. He stood up and took the papers from the printer. “I have to give my report to Landry. Please, close the door on your way out.” And he left, leaving behind a very confused and miserable Major General.

***

Daniel didn’t see Jack again before the General went back to Washington, and the next few days he barely had time to think about his lover’s nonsenses. Just an hour after he had said his farewell to Vala, he had collapsed on the floor due to the remaining effects of the Goa’uld bracelets. So the rest of the week he had been traveling with Mitchell and the space pirate from planet to planet, trying to find the way to sever the link, but to no avail.

The next thing he knew was that he was summoned to Washington to testify in front of the Chairman of the Appropriations Committee to try to convince them that the Ori were a real threat, and therefore, keep the assigned budget to the SGC. And of course, due to the bracelets’ link, he had no other option than to drag Vala with him.

***

Daniel was in his office when the telephone rang.

“Jackson.”

Only silence met him on the other side of the line.

“Lo?”

He was ready to hang up when the most familiar, soft voice, greeted him.

“Hey.”

 _Jack_. The archaeologist closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to try to stop the sudden burst of speed of his heartbeat. God, how he missed him. He loved him more than life itself and he knew he’d always do, but he was still deeply hurt by his accusations. He had tried to put himself in the General’s shoes, and had to admit that Vala's behavior could have led to a misunderstanding. But still, how could he forgive him for his lack of trust? He swallowed the lump in his throat and replied in the same tone.

“Hey.”

“I heard you’re coming to Washington tomorrow,” Jack said.

“Yeah…”

“Do you think we could… you know… meet and, hmm, we need to talk, Danny.” Jack’s voice was soft and inviting.

“Yes, we do, but… hmm…I don’t think it will be possible.” Damnit. How would Jack react when he knew that Vala was still around?

“Why not? I… you know…” Jack sounded honestly puzzled.

“Vala is still here.” Bomb’s out. Brace for impact.

On the other side of the line, Jack’s gut twisted painfully. Only silence greeted Daniel. After a few seconds, he continued talking.

“We managed to remove the bracelets, but for some reason, the link is still active. We can’t be separated more than an hour,” the archaeologist explained.

“Looks like this information went MIA somewhere in its way from Colorado to the Pentagon,” Jack replied sarcastically.

“Bill is working on it, but he hasn’t found a solution yet.”

Jack took a deep breath. This couldn’t be happening. When was all that mess going to end? He missed Daniel so much. Not just because he could no longer see him every day. He missed the connection. The feeling of that even knowing that they were apart, they loved each other and they could trust in that love. Now he wasn’t sure anymore. Daniel sounded cold and distant. God. What if he wanted to split up for good? A lump the size of Alaska grew up in the General’s throat. He bobbed his Adam’s apple several times until he swallowed it and could find his voice again.

“Ok. Good luck with the committee,” he said. And without further comments, he hung up the phone.

“Jack? Jack!” Daniel called his lover in frustration even after the disconnection click told him the conversation was over. He hung up the receiver and slumped back against his chair. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt the incoming headache. Damned Vala and damned the fucking bracelets. Not only she had frustrated his plans to go to Atlantis, but she had triggered the worst crisis in his relationship with Jack since he had killed Reese, the replicators’ robo-mother. Although, if he had to be honest, this wasn’t about Vala. This was about their forever commitment. What sense did it have to swear eternal love if Jack didn’t believe in his word?

“God, Jack, I love you,” he whispered to himself. “We really need to talk. I think I've figured out why this keeps happening to us.”

***

1,600 miles away, Jack was sitting on his bed, his hand still on the phone receiver, which was back on its cradle. Damnit to hell. He had expected to see Daniel tomorrow and try to fix things. And now, not only he wouldn’t be able to meet him, but he would stay with her. Jack felt a new stab of jealousy piercing his belly.

What the hell had he been thinking when he accepted the post in Washington? Unfortunately, he knew how painful was to live without Daniel. He needed him at his side and in his bed, not thousands of miles away, and much less in another galaxy. He wanted to believe Daniel. Hell, fuck it. He DID believe Daniel. He knew deep in his soul that they were meant to each other. Daniel had proved the genuineness of his love countless times.

But still, Jack knew how distance could affect the strongest relationships. Years ago, although he still hadn’t initiated a physical relationship with Daniel, he was head over heels in love with the archaeologist when he got stuck in Edora. And yet he gave up and fell into Laira's trap. And his deep commitment hadn’t stopped him from kissing Carter during the time loop or sleeping with Kerry Johnson. No matter that he had tried to disguise it with colorful ribbons of grief. The truth was that he had cheated on Daniel. And what had he done? Accuse the archaeologist of cheating on him with Vala. Huh! No wonder he was so furious with him.

“Shit! I can’t believe this. I'm the worst bastard ever!” He scrubbed his scalp furiously and headed to the liquor cabinet. He poured a long shot of whiskey and drank it in a single gulp. Two more followed, and then a third and a fourth. He drank until he collapsed on his couch and couldn’t feel the raw, unbearable pain ripping his heart anymore.

***

_Jack woke up slowly to the feeling of something brushing his lips. He opened his mouth to the wet tongue that was demanding entrance. He moved slightly and felt his skin brush what appeared to be satin sheets. That was weird. He could have sworn that he had fallen asleep on the couch. Besides, since when used he satin sheets? He let his partner’s mouth lead the kiss. Something wasn’t right. The taste wasn’t what it was supposed to be. He opened his eyes slowly and met a pair of blue eyes staring at him lovingly. Only that it wasn’t the right shade of blue. They were supposed to be bright sapphire blue eyes. But those ones were dark and greyish. And then she spoke._

_“You’re going to be a great father, Jack. I'm so happy that you decided to stay with us.”_

_Jack sat bolt upright and looked utterly stunned at the figure lying next to him._

_“Laira?”_

_“Jack? What’s wrong?” she frowned in confusion._

_“What the hell is going on here? Where is Daniel?”_

_Then he felt another presence to his left and watched horrified as another female hand stroked his chest and fiddled with his hair._

_“Jack, don’t you remember? Daniel is dead.”_

_“Kerry?”_

_All blood froze in Jack’s veins. Both women sandwiched him and began to stroke and kiss his chest and abdomen. He was petrified, completely unable to move. Then he noticed a shadow and lifted his head to see the newcomer. Daniel was standing on the threshold, naked. Blood was gushing freely from a three inches wound on his chest. He looked at Jack with wet eyes full of pain. Jack felt his soul shattering in infinite pieces. Daniel began to cry silent tears of blood. A trickle on new fresh blood began to flow from his nose._

_“Why?” he whispered with a broken voice. “I never stopped loving you. Why do you believe I did?”_

Jack jerked awake sobbing Daniel’s name.

“Daniel, OhJesusJesusJesusJesus!” He ran to the bathroom and made it in time to the toilet before he threw up his last dinner, the whiskey, and his shame.

***

At the same time in Colorado Springs, Daniel was tossing and turning on his bed.

_Daniel was on his knees on the grooved stone platform on the public square in Ver Eger. He was panting hard and struggling fiercely against the chains that tied him to the central pole. The prior stood in front of the platform and lifted his stick in a sign of power. With his other hand, he removed the hood that concealed his face._

_“Jack!” Daniel stared in horror at the deformed face of his lover._

_“Those who break the trust once placed in them must die. Death to the unfaithful! Death to the liar!_

_The villagers that occupied the place started to chant along._

_“Liar! Liar! Liar!”_

_“Jack, I never lied!” Daniel shouted. “You have to believe me! I never touched her, I swear!”_

_“Tip the fire!” Jack ordered._

_The two villagers holding the red-hot pot complied and the liquid fire started to run along the grooves._

_“Jack! God, Jack! You have to believe! I love you! God, I love you, I never loved anyone else, only you!”_

_Jack looked at him without compassion. The liquid fire arrived at the center of the platform and started to burn the archaeologist’s clothes. The heat was unbearable. That would begin to hurt much sooner than the fire began to eat Daniel’s nerve endings._

_“God, Jack, Jaaaaaaack!!!” The archaeologist shouted in utter despair._

_“I forgive you,” Jack said coldly. He turned around and walked away._

_He smirked as Daniel began to scream._

Daniel woke up with a start. He clutched his chest while panted. He was bathed in sweat. He blinked and swallowed compulsively, trying to erase the images and feelings of the nightmare. He felt something dampening his face, and he touched it. His fingers came up sticky. He quickly switched on the lamp on his bedside table.

_Blood._

“What the hell…?” He muttered to himself.

He realized the blood was coming from his nose. He considered going to the infirmary, but he was shaking so hard that he gave it a second thought. Dr. Lam wasn’t so different from Janet. The last thing he needed right now was a concerned doctor inquiring into his distress.

“Shit.” He went to the bathroom and pressed on his nose with a towel. After a few minutes, the bleeding stopped. So, a common nosebleed after all. He didn’t remember having one of those since he was a kid. Once he was sure the bleeding had stopped, he flipped the stained pillow and lay on the bed again. He couldn’t sleep any single minute more that night.

***

The next day he went to Washington together with Vala, Teal’c, and General Landry. As expected, he didn’t see Jack. The events of the next week, kept Daniel so focused on the Ori threat that he didn’t have much time to dwell on his matters of the heart. They almost lost Mitchell to the Ori plague. The new enemies were too powerful, and his tricks were an easy way to convince underdeveloped villages. He had no idea how they were going to be able to defeat them, if possible.

The only good thing was that the last mission had brought Sam back to the team. The bad thing, they lost Vala in the battle. He had sacrificed herself to stop the Ori supergate, and there was no way to know if she had died in the subsequent explosion or if she had been transported to the Ori galaxy. The moment she had disappeared, Daniel had fainted. All of them had feared the worst. The moment the dizziness hit him, he had thought he was going to die. And he’d die with Jack thinking that he hated him.

In that fraction of a second, he promised to himself that if he survived, he’d do everything in his hand to fix things with his lover. Fortunately, the bracelets’ effect had practically worn out, so after a few hours of rest, Daniel woke up very much alive.

The first thing he did when he came back to Earth, was to schedule a trip to Washington.

***

Jack was a caged lion. The last report received from the SGC had driven him to the edge. Daniel had almost died again. It had been sheer luck that the bracelet’s link had been severed naturally. He hadn’t talked to his lover in three weeks, since the phone call previous to his trip to Washington. He had thought of calling him, but he feared that Daniel was still angry with him. He’d do it tomorrow. Yes. Tomorrow. And he’d try to apologize and… God, what if Daniel didn’t forgive him? Granted he was the most compassionate and understanding person he had ever met. But what had he said that day he found out about Kerry Johnson? * _Don’t take me for granted, I may not be so understanding the next time_ *. Yeah, that’s what he said. And Jack had sworn that it wouldn’t happen again. And what had he done? Undermine their relationship on the first occasion.

God, Daniel wasn’t going to forgive him. How was he going to go on without him? He couldn’t, he just couldn’t. He needed to fix it. The alternative was unthinkable. But the archaeologist’s last words had confused him big time. He wasn’t even sure if they were together anymore. Nonono, he wasn’t going to go there. They loved each other. This was just a crisis, wasn’t it? It had to be, he couldn’t imagine his life without Daniel in it anymore. 

“Hell, fuck it! I love you Daniel, and I need you so much,” he said to himself as he launched towards the phone. He couldn’t wait anymore. He had he just picked up the receiver when the doorbell rang.

“Whoever you are,your timing sucks,” he muttered. He ignored the door and began to dial Daniel’s number. At that time of the day, he’d still probably be at home. The doorbell rang again and again and Jack scowled at the door. Daniel’s answering machine answered the call. Frustrated, Jack ended up the call and went to the door. He opened it harshly, ready to shoo whoever it was, but his words died on his mouth as he found himself face to face with his lover. Daniel. Gorgeous in his tight jeans and a navy blue polo shirt. Jack’s dick twitched instantaneously and his mouth went dry. God, how he wanted him. He missed his touch so much. He definitely needed to fix it. The only thought of losing him for good ripped open his insides.

The archaeologist didn’t wait for an invitation. He passed by Jack and made himself into the townhouse. He had always seen Jack living in a house with a big yard. It was weird to see him there.

Jack stared open-mouthed. He closed the door and followed his lover. Before he had time to say anything, the archaeologist sat on an armchair, rested his elbows on his thighs, clapped his palms together, and began to talk.

“A couple of days before we went to Washington, I found Vala in my room. She was in my bed, dressed in a … let’s say… seductive way.”

Jack’s heart skipped a beat but he said nothing. He had sworn to himself he wasn’t going to draw blind conclusions anymore. First, assess the situation. Second, plan. Third, act. He sat down slowly on the couch in front of his lover and mirrored his position. Their eyes met. Daniel’s expression was neutral.

“She invited me to join her, “ he continued. “ Needless to say, I declined.” Jack swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded slightly once. Still impassive, Daniel went on with his story. “ I read the riot act to her. I told her what I thought about her… tactics. How she uses sex as a defense mechanism to avoid being hurt. And I kicked her out of the room. The thing is, that after that, I realized something.”

“What?” Jack dared to ask. His heart began to beat faster. No way Daniel was going to say that he realized that he was attracted to her after all, right? Jack held his breath.

“It was so easy to understand the reason for her behavior… and it hit me right there. You. Me. Us. I realized why we do this. Why despite the love, we keep hurting each other.”

A sarcastic retort about Daniel in psychologist mode almost escaped Jack’s lips, but he managed to stop it in time. Love. Love. Daniel had used the word. He still loved him. It wasn’t everything lost.

“And you’re going to enlighten me,” The General said in a low voice.

Daniel’s gaze softened. “It’s the guilt, Jack. You still drag the guilt for Charlie’s death, and I'm not over my role in Sha’re’s death either. I thought we had gotten rid of that long ago, but we’re not. It’s a matter of deserving. We feel so guilty that deep inside we don’t think we deserve to be happy. So every time we start to enjoy our good luck, something happens. We fight, or hurt each other, or even die. It’s self-sabotage. The thing is that to stop hurting each other, we must get rid of our guilt once and for all.

I’m willing to do it. I'm willing to accept, for real this time, that Sha’re's abduction and death weren't my fault. That the fact that I opened the Stargate doesn’t make me responsible for all the evil that inhabits the universe. I accept the fact that I deserve to be happy, as much as anyone else. I'm willing to embrace your love, to thank my good luck, and enjoy it. And I deserve your love, respect, and trust in exchange. If we want this to work, you have to forgive yourself, too, at least enough to think you deserve to be happy. I can’t be the target of your guilt anymore.”

Jack listened to Daniel. He really did. But what he was asking… just couldn’t be. Not even for him. Charlie’s death was his fault. Even if he had more or less come to terms with the absence of his child, he could never forgive himself. Daniel was right. He didn’t think he deserved to be happy after what he had done to his son. He didn’t have any right to enjoy the pleasures of life while his son was rotting underground. And Daniel was the greatest pleasure of all. He had lost his son and now he was about to lose his life, his heart, his soul. His face crumpled in anguish and a single tear escaped the corner of his eye. “I… I can’t, I… God, I can’t… I… Charlie…” More tears followed.

Daniel’s eyes filled with pain. He pressed his lips together to conceal the quivering. He could no longer hold Jack’s gaze and looked away. He stood up slowly and headed to the door. He turned around and looked at his ex-lover. Jack hadn’t moved from his position on the couch.

“Goodbye, Jack,” Daniel’s voice cracked. And he left, leaving his broken heart behind.

Jack stared at the closed door. He began to shake from head to toe. Daniel had left. Daniel had left him. For good. Oh, God. It was all his fault. But what he asked… Oh, God, Danny… Danny… Jack inhaled sharply and broke down completely. It was that endless, raw pain all over again. Soul-wrenching sobs of devastation filled the room as his heart shattered into a million pieces.

**The end, for now**


End file.
